


The List

by Whatthef0ucault



Series: In This Family We Punch Nazis [1]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: BAMF Klaus Hargreeves, Clingy!diego, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Drabble and a Half, Established Relationship, Fluff, Food, Grocery Shopping, Healthy food mention, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Post-Apocalypse, Post-Canon, Protective!Klaus, Racism, Slurs, Snacks & Snack Food, Sober Klaus Hargreeves, This was supposed to be a drabble, Wowed!diego, might make this into a series, okay I'm totally making this into a series, platonic if you squint, ride or die - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 04:57:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20076532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whatthef0ucault/pseuds/Whatthef0ucault
Summary: "This is why I hate taking you shopping with me."





	The List

**Author's Note:**

> So I had this idea for a while and wanted to highlight this aspect of their pairing dynamic. Being stuck in a hospital overnight really frees up time to write lol. I'm so, so sorry for the words used here or anything triggering about racism. I'm from the American south, and I can promise you that sadly these things still happen relatively regularly. Also, I am white so I felt obligated to disclose that given the nature of this. 
> 
> Thanks so much for reading ^.^
> 
> Please feel free to follow me on [tumblr](https://letsbakethatcake.tumblr.com/)!

"Why is there.....a lint roller, 'nacho accoutrement', velveeta cheese bites? and 'Klaus' munchies supplies' on the list?" The voice that came out of Diego was so tired as he read over their grocery store list and Klaus' additional scrawls at the bottom while they walked into the super market together. There was a hint of a smile trying to twist on his mouth that only resulted in him biting down lightly on it (because he was not supposed to encourage this behavior) when Klaus answered. 

"Clearly, I have needs and was not consulted about the list upon its making and-"

"No." Klaus was already doing the thing where he waves his hands when he speaks, and Diego knows where thats going to go. 

"Furthermore, our supplies are low and-"

"Nope."

"Come on Dee, everyone knows cheese is its own food group! I dont know why you wont just get with the program, Trunchbull." 

Klaus was already taking a cart from the line of them when Diego gracefully and easily slipped its handle out of his hands and into his own as he starts walking into the store ahead of him so he could let out that hidden, fond smile, finally.

"This is why I hate taking you shopping with me," Diego recited for probably the thousandth time in their lives. It was a song and dance they had done so many times Diego lost count, and Klaus revelled in the routine. Diego liked to save money and eat as healthy as he could manage while Klaus would go up and down the asles tossing whatever looked good into the cart, because he liked to live a little. Diego would bitch, Klaus would sass, and eventualy at check out they'd come to some sort of compromise that had Klaus getting at least a little iron and made Diego expand his pallet.

"And there he goes," Diego added rhetorically as Klaus was already wandering off without a basket to the frozen foods all the way across the store from the meat and produce that Diego always started in. 

Diego took his time picking out his fruits and veggies, knowing what to look for in ripeness, feel, and look. He had new recipies in his head he wanted to try after another night of marathoning Chopped! and smoking a blunt with the spaz across the store. Though he was methodical, he also found himself with his thoughts wandering about Klaus like he often did in this little ritual of theirs. He even laughed softly to himself while lightly squeesing a couple of cucumbers to test their firmness at the stupid 13 year old phallic jokes Klaus had made on the times he managed to stay beside him instead of fluttering around the market. 

By the time Diego had gotten most of the things he had put on the list (and passed by Klaus multiple times with various assortments of foods clutched in his arms and shared comical greetings in passing) he began looking around for curly hair and slinking limbs. He was a bit preoccupied while walking up and out of an asle and failed to notice the person and his cart in front of him before they clashed. 

"Hey, watch where you're going you fucking _Spic_!" 

Diego was so rattled by the sudden onslaught of both loud clashing metal and overt racism that he just stood there and stared immobile for a moment. It wasnt that Diego was ignorant to the world or spared from experiencing this bigotry himself, but being homeschooled with his adoptive siblings prevented him from developing as thick of a skin in certain situations versus others. Microaggressions were one thing, this was something else. He was irate, but he was also scared, and even a little astonished.

"Ex..c-cuse me?" He loathed that this is what he finally managed to get out instead of a slew of expletives he wanted to say. 

"You heard me, go back to-" A boney, nail polished fist crashed mercilessly into the stranger's pale cheek from behind an end cap. Snacks strewn behind him like a bread crumb trail gone haywire, Klaus let out a yell of rage as his hand made contact. 

"No! You fucking prick, why dont you go back to Assholevia Facististville or where ever _you_ came from!" Klaus grew up with three siblings of color and watched how the world treated them differently even as kids (he was always too attuned to people even before he had actual Understanding) than he or his three other siblings were. There were very few impulsive violence buttons in his make up, but the break-here-in-case-of-emergency glass shattered the moment he heard the slur from three asles down. 

The man went dead weight to the ground. Diego's eyes were like moons. All he could do was turn to stare at this rageful, beautiful man for a moment before his brain snapped back into gear even if his heart was fluttering restlessly. He moved to put his hands on Klaus and pull him back and talk him down. 

"Not worth it, baby, not worth it. Come on, lets go. We got everything we came for, lets go-" 

"Yeah so did this scum sucking Anteater-" Diego laughed, loudly, and continued to pull him away quickly with Klaus still staring the bigot down, muttering half mixed phrases of ire and making a few half hearted attempts at breaking from the hold to go at him again. 

"Come on, you gotta pick up your shit thats all over the place," Diego continued to urge with such glee and chuckles in his voice, freeing one hand to scoop up a bag of tortilla chips and a box of what he now learned were frozen velvetta cheese bites. 

"But what should I put back?" The angry man asked in an expectant, cooperative way as he finally made himself focus on grabbing nacho cheese packs, hot sauce, and frozen mozzarella sticks from the ground as they passed them. 

"Nothing, put it all in," Diego murmured while leaning in close when the other returned and lightly pressing his face into that soft yet slightly stubbly cheek with lips grazing while he spoke. In principle, he shouldnt have been so easy to reward Klaus for being an ally, but personally, he was a bit too turned on, proud, and stoked to care about politics. 

"Oh really?" Klaus asked, intrigued and smirking before he momentarally pulled away with a small curse to snatch up the lint roller that had gone flying earlier. 

"What or who is that even for?" An incredulous Diego questioned while still lightly caressing the other while they approached the self check out with urgency. 

"Oh, Five said he was tired of dragging me into hairy situations, so I told him I'd be better prepared next time," Klaus replied with mischievous eyes.

It took all of Diego's willpower not to facepalm at that and just shook his head.

"This is why I love taking you shopping with me."

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I've been inspired to turn this into a series by a fellow community member so be on the look out for that! I will add this as the first entry.
> 
> Edit: this work is now part one in my series: "In This Family, We Punch Nazis". It seemed....fitting.


End file.
